Carol Kroll

Hildegard von Bingen

My dear and insightful friend Teresa (eons ago) alerted me to a most intriguing human being, Hildegard von Bingen. She was a music maker, scientist, had a head full of crazy visions and shockingly enough, was a nun. A true rockstar of her time, I’d say.

Yes, I know this music may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but lately I have been feeling a great state of emotional unrest, some insecurity creeping up (again) and I really have been searching out my true sense of spirituality. That can be daunting.

Last night’s windstorm sounded like a million lost souls trying to find their way home, yet there was nothing I could do but lay there and listen. It really affected me today, but Teresa’s recommendation from eons ago, came back to me when I was feeling a bit dire and I have been listening to Hildy’s pieces all day while I work and they have been giving me great comfort.

Listening to her music reminded me to look within once again. Some days that concept is easy, others it seems a most impossible task. But if we are not gentle, honest, understanding and open with ourselves, how can we ever propose to offer that to others?

This really spoke to me about Hildegard. Even though she was an “accomplished nun”, she too had her own setbacks and struggles.

During all these years Hildegard confided of her visions only to Jutta and another monk, named Volmar, who was to become her lifelong secretary. However, in 1141, Hildegard had a vision that changed the course of her life. A vision of god gave her instant understanding of the meaning of the religious texts, and commanded her to write down everything she would observe in her visions.

“And it came to pass … when I was 42 years and 7 months old, that the heavens were opened and a blinding light of exceptional brilliance flowed through my entire brain. And so it kindled my whole heart and breast like a flame, not burning but warming… and suddenly I understood of the meaning of expositions of the books…”

Yet Hildegard was also overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy and hesitated to act.

“But although I heard and saw these things, because of doubt and low opinion of myself and because of diverse sayings of men, I refused for a long time a call to write, not out of stubbornness but out of humility, until weighed down by a scourge of god, I fell onto a bed of sickness.”