When do you know…
…if you are having a nervous breakdown? When you don’t ask anymore? So I am safe? Well, maybe not out of the woods yet, but I have this odd little plan that just popped into my head at 12:30AM, on a now, Saturday morning that I thought I would share with the world wide web.
See in high school, I was a hermit. A nerdy little awkward honor roll good little girl hermit. Sure I had an equally nerdy awkward boyfriend of 4 years (starting in 8th grade, sorry Mom, I lied we WERE dating, but she found that out the yucky way when I was in surgery at 15 and found some (very) dirty poems he had written me in my purse I left with her, meaning, 14yrs old = DUMBASS) but then he ended up banging someone on his trip to Germany in my Junior year, but that is ok because I was being vigorously pursued by the (hotter than hot) boy named Scott, eventually ended up falling HOPELESSLY “in love with” (I really did, sadly) that we all know later broke my heart into ten thousand pieces so at the time, didn’t really care who Eric banged in Germany to be quite truthful….oh but you should have been there for that particular conversation (after he casually mentioned it to me as we were looking at his trip pix’s)….
“Hey, who is this ?”
“That’s Megan. We sort of had sex while I was over there.”
(crickets)
“Uh-huh-wait……..um, pardon, you did what?”
(pointing to the picture I was holding of some chick with piercings and a tattoo that obviously looked a little more “worldly” than I was)
“Yeah, I banged her, Carol (same breath) but I brought you home some soap that they use there which is called Carol Soap. Here…..”
(I even think I said thank you as he plopped it in my hand)
I wish you all had been there really. It was quite entertaining when I think of it now. Too bad there isn’t video. I would like to see it, actually.
Ah but these are (true) stories for other times.
ANYWAY
Before I discovered “boys” (and I will use the term “discovered” in loose terms) I was a hermit nerdy girl with depression/anxiety attacks that spent A LOT of time alone in my room after I got home from school, listening to my music in headphoneland (complete solace and bliss mind you) singing and acting out all songs that graced my ears while making my animated films (yes, Morgyn, they are on VHS, but I will have to look for them, I know you asked) I made a film every year starting in 6th grade until 12th grade on my little super 8 camera and hand painted cels. THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS upon THOUSANDS of drawings and plastic cels that were all painted on. I spent a year on each little film. And they all had soundtracks coordinated to them. It was quite the production.
All I know is that ANYTHING was possible in that room of mine. It was a magical place. I was gonna make it big, I was sure of it.
Although please note that the last film I made Junior/Senior year, I was distracted by my above romance drama and didn’t make the film I always envisioned which has always bugged me. Lost time I will never be able to get back and really, knowing what I know now, I SHOULD have stayed in my room making my stuff and listening to bad 80’s music.
Which by the way is the reason for this post.
So my plan is this. Since I was REALLY artistically productive during that time (roughly 1983-1989; quite the manic time) I have started importing all my shitty 80’s music and listening to it. And you know what? It ACTUALLY is making this process tonight, a LOT easier! I am chugging along here without the negative bastards pounding at the door of my mind. Wait. Gotta check again. Nope! They aren’t there! Did I find their secret out? That they HATE 80’s music? Is that all it took? A swift kick of Opposites Attract and Cold Hearted Snake to keep them at bay? We’ll see. This is just an experiment and may be short lived, and I may be blogging soon from the quiet hospital.
What are the tasty skeleton treats I have unlocked from my closet? I have no shame, here they are…
Early Madonna mainly La Isla Bonita (I had the 45, yes, the vinyl 45!) Cherish, Material Girl (I loved her vintage dress and the dance prodcution, I confess) and Into The Groove OH AND LET’S NOT FORGET the ultimate teenage romance song, True Blue. Yep, this was me in my room. I was quite the star of my own imagination. And frankly, I rocked.
Roxette, yes, that’s right, fricking Roxette. Got a problem with that? Too bad. Dressed for Success is taking me back to my happy place and there is nothing you can do about it.
Neneh Cherry! Buffalo Stance. I know this by heart. Even still which may in fact = sad.
Oh, and Debarge’s Who’s Johnny. Seriously. How can you NOT like this song? You have no soul if you do. I said the song, not the video mind you. The video sucks large amounts of poop.
The Thriller album should be coming up next because I was thrown into that by no fault of my own. I was just the right age at the right time. And he was dreamy. And had a llama. Where was this video for me to see in the 80’s??? I still want a llama. Keep the creepy monkey though. I don’t really like monkeys. (sorry Mo)
Oh if only we could have the righteous vintage MJ back with his voice and wicked dance moves.
But no, he had to piss it all away.
Like they all do.
(sigh)
Back to dreaming big dreams in my little room.
Everything old IS new again. How delightful.
Comments
Maybe you’re figuring out how to put the voices in your head to good use when their input is useful. Critique time does occur. There has to be balance. Otherwise you make crappy art like that “LIER” piece from MIAD, don’t remember if that was when you were still there.
Yes I would looooooove to see some of those movies you made please.
Thank you so much for posting this! I totally forgot about Debarge. Yes, I know, shame on me. Here’s some from that time for you; INXS, Fine Young Cannibals, Police, Level 242, Ministry, that “Love is a battlefield” song, Aerosmith, Jodie Watley, Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians, Cowboy Junkies, THE CURE, Mission UK, Eurythmics, and embarrassingly Def Leppard. The Thriller video and wanting to learn the dance.
Hey Mo, it is really good to know that I am not the only one out there fed to the 80’s and liked it!
And about my voices, you are absolutely correct in that the DO serve a purpose and are very good critics. Part of my “therapy” is writing about the jerks. They don’t like that. And writing about them and the 80’s music seems to keep them at bay. But the do need to be “up” there, otherwise, yeah, the “LIER” incident happens and you end up bawling in the bathroom about the fact that you never checked a dictionary and thus misspelled your “powerful statement word” and THUS have no cool or witty artsy fartsy rebuttal to back up your “statement” to a classroom full of curious individuals wondering why the hell you can’t spell, LIAR.
Poor Maureen, eh? And to think Mike was the only one with balls who called her out on it.
They just need the “right” jobs. trouble happens when they remain unattended and not monitored.
Totally. Glad I wasn’t in that class and only heard a bout it. I did make her cry though, during a hallway critique near the end of the year. Way too much ego attachment on her part I think and I just got tired of tip toeing. Of course it took me about a year to get to that point, so I really respect Mike!
Here’s some more bands I forgot: Peter Gabriel, Sugar Cubes, New Order, Joe Jackson, Split Enz, Men at Work, Weird Al, The Call, Modern English, Salt N’ Pepa (will always remind me of Sophomore year state track meet), Rick James, Pet Shop Boys, Duran Duran, Human League, Jene loves Jezebel, New Order, Cyndi Lauper, Billy Idol, that song “Electric Avenue”, Lipps Inc, Pointer Sisters, Tina Turner, Tracy Chapman, that “Don’t worry be happy” song (which was popular during a very dark time in my life oddly enough), that song “Pump up the volume”, Frankie goes to Hollywood, Dead or Alive, Prince (come on admit it- oh yeah you did), Diana Ross, Stevie Wonder, Beastie Boys, Devo, B-52s, Blondie, Bangles, Suzanne Vega, 10,000 Maniacs, Donna Summer, Yaz, David Bowie, Tears for Fears, Lionel Ritchie, Fat Boys, Alphaville, Erasure, A-Ha, Belinda Carlisle, Adam Ant, Yello, Revolting Cocks, Misfits, Bad Brains, Dead Milkmen, Front 242, etc
Oh and it was Level 42 not Level 242. Sorry to go and on. The late 80s was very musical, my mom listened to a radio when my father wasn’t around. He did not want us listening to music. It was a clock radio and that is how she was able to keep it. Her rebellion. Then for the last Christmas with them she asked what music I wanted and bought me several cassettes. After all that I got into a lot of depressive music- at the same time I began my visual art career. Coincidence? I think not.
And that song “Weird Science”, Velvet Underground, Pink Floyd, Vanilla Ice, and The Psychedelic Furs
- Christine said on Sep 11, 2008:
-
Commenting is not available in this section entry.I still remember the “Pink Cadillac” drawings - I was always so impressed by you. Still am.
Saw your parents recently and your mom told me about this site. Very cool. Take care -
Christine (Nilo)