<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>
<rss version="2.0"
    xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/"
    xmlns:sy="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/syndication/"
    xmlns:admin="http://webns.net/mvcb/"
    xmlns:rdf="http://www.w3.org/1999/02/22-rdf-syntax-ns#"
    xmlns:content="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/content/">

    <channel>
    
    <title>CK Blog</title>
    <link>http://carolkroll.com/index.php/blog/</link>
    <description></description>
    <dc:language>en</dc:language>
    <dc:creator>carol@sweetjelly.com</dc:creator>
    <dc:rights>Copyright 2008</dc:rights>
    <dc:date>2008-08-19T19:37:00-06:00</dc:date>
    <admin:generatorAgent rdf:resource="http://expressionengine.com/" />
    

    <item>
      <title>A hero of mine: Anne Sexton</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/a_hero_of_mine_anne_sexton/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/a_hero_of_mine_anne_sexton/#When:19:37:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I just discovered that there exists audio of Anne Sexton reading her poetry. Boy howdy how I love the internet. I requested to be their myspace friend. 

	I hope they let me in. 

	I hope I&#8217;m cool enough.

	

	This will have to be a CD I purchase in the very near future. Her work is raw, shocking, depressing, with odd bits of hope and beauty softly scattered throughout in the strangest places.

	I find not only her work, but her life terribly intriguing and inspiring as well, despite losing her battle raging against the voices inside her head and killed herself at the age of 45. 

	A friend of mine pointed me in her direction a good decade ago when he read some of the lyrics I was writing in tandem with the paintings I was doing and relating some of the experiences (especially the self doubting ones, the manic ones, and afterwards, the depressing downward spiral ones) I was going through. An obstacle I now recognize and work with. I thank him as it could not have come at a better time for me and gave me a shot in the arm. And most recently I am revisiting her legend and desire to create a boatload of work, despite her obvious mental challenges. She did it anyway.

	Basically, she was an ordinary housewife who was encouraged to write poetry to help her manic depression. She was so nervous to do so, that she asked a friend to accompany her to her first workshop.

	And then look what happened.

	Seems like a good prescription. I think I will continue trying it.]]></description>
      <dc:subject>1950&apos;s, Manic Depression, Poetry, Writers</dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-19T19:37:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Chicago, Comics, and Visually Inspiring Materialism</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/chicago_comics_and_visually_inspiring_materialism/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/chicago_comics_and_visually_inspiring_materialism/#When:01:57:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[Well, this weekend, I had the extreme pleasure of going to Chicago to visit my dear friends and I had an absolute blast! They of course were fabulous hosts and showed my all over the place. I am extending my deepest gratitude to both of them for an inspirational weekend.

	We went to see a play that was just INCREDIBLE entitled METALUNA AND THE AMAZING SCIENCE OF THE MIND REVUE. They told me it would blow my mind and they were right. I was mesmerized. And I laughed my ass off. Which is always a good day in my book.

	We also went to Chicago Comics I acquired some visual and tangible inspirations.  

	As a sidebar, on the comic topic, I am currently more of a graphic novel person than a comic gal, but my friend Mace really gave me the lowdown into the comic book revolution of modern day and I am becoming quite interested. Right now my favorite graphic novel is Chris Ware&#8217;s, &#8220;Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth&#8221;. It is depressing and quiet. My favorite flavors.

	And before that was Daniel Clowes&#8217; &#8220;Ghost World&#8221;&#8230;

	

	But I can see investigating the comics suggested this weekend by my friend. I will save that post for later. She had some really good ones to discuss.

	While there, I also picked up Giant Robot Magazine (similar to Juxtapoz, another favorite of mine) but this is all about &#8220;Asian culture and beyond&#8221;. I am sort of into the pop culture look,  toys, and food residing in Asia and really would like to visit Japan someday, but I digress.

	For my bag that represents what normal people would call a purse, I acquired some more buttons patches. My fav patch from this weekend:

	

	I like his teeth.

	I was sucked into Peecol toys and purchased this little lady to keep me company when I sing and paint:

	

	You can interchange her body with other characters. Why? No reason. Just because you can apparently.

	Check out this animation of the interchanging bodies! I like how he&#8217;s trying to impress her. And I like that she never is.

	Before I drove down, I picked up some Kangaroo shoes because I&#8217;m secretly 36 going on 14 and need a place to put my loose change in that tiny little zipper pocket on the side. Tell me zippers on the sides of one&#8217;s shoes is not a kooky secret everyone wants.

	

	Good stuff! And good times. I thank them sincerely. I can&#8217;t wait to go back.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-18T01:57:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>New Music, New Art</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/new_music_new_art/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/new_music_new_art/#When:03:20:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[So the time has come to toss some more wares into the world. 

Tonight, I put up some new art that I have been working on. The Blue Bird of Happiness and the Black Bird Of Destruction are actually a diptych, but I chose to upload them separately. Bluebird is 1st  and Blackbird is 2nd  when you view it. I hope it sums up the basic artistic personality. Or at least mine. All its wonderfulness and complete ugliness.

	Also added some sections (watercolor, collage, acrylic, and drawings) to better decipher what it is I&#8217;m doing on my portfolio page. Sometimes I like to paint, sometimes I like to draw, sometimes I like to glue together vintage collage, sometimes I like watercolor, sometimes I like acrylic, you get the picture. Variety is the spice of life. I know it would be &#8220;wise&#8221; to decide on a style since that is what they preached in art school, but I can&#8217;t. I like them all. And will continue my unfocused exploration as long as it suits me.

	And as you may ALSO notice, (drum roll) I have been working on some music separate from my band Sweet Jelly (although we&#8217;re still making music together over there, never fear) This is just a different avenue I thought would explore on my own. Please keep in mind, these are scratch tracks while you listen. My plans for symphonies, choirs (both gospel and tabernacle) along with the release of 300 white doves in the sky at the end of each tune, will have to wait.

	For now, musical pencil sketches.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-14T03:20:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>It&#8217;s getting stormy out here&#8230;</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/its_getting_stormy_out_here/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/its_getting_stormy_out_here/#When:01:01:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[But THIS time I&#8217;m staying put in my little inner tube. If you were passing by on a huge ocean&#45;liner during this squall, you would probably point and say: Bloody madness! Sure. But what other choice do I have really?

	

	Photo courtesy of The Onion

	Care for a long story? Sure. That&#8217;s why you come here.

So. Morgyn asked if Sweet Jelly will be playing out any time soon. Nope. Doesn&#8217;t look like it. But we still make music every other Tuesday and I still enjoy that part of it. That and the musical collaboration of 3 very talented friends. After 8 years, it&#8217;s your family and what you know. I am still its loyal subject. Why else would I drive 4 hours roundtrip in every weather condition imaginable two times a month?

	But, yes Mo, I need to perform. I crave it and I miss it. Just like I need to make visual art and gravely missed doing that too before my recent revival about a year ago. I have tried to conform and fit in by playing &#8220;normal&#8221; and trying to ignore this part of my personality but it isn&#8217;t working. I have been trying to ignore it since I was 16 and wanted to join a band and make my own animated music videos. That didn&#8217;t really go over very well with my parents as I was doing it, and the need/drive never went away. And sort of began when I got the lead in my school musical of &#8220;Sakura&#8221; in first grade, continued when I played piano at school talent shows every year, longed to be the 5th Monkee, was picked for all city choir (the only one from my school) got to &#8220;travel&#8221; for that and made up a wickedly cool song about the boy I fell hopelessly in love with when I was 17 who broke my heart in 10,000 pieces claiming I was &#8220;too good for him&#8221; (what is that sh*t?) my sister Cindy remembers. I cried for MONTHS. I&#8217;m talking hysterically sobbing, not eating, not talking, and the serious urge along with research to join a nunnery. And if you know me, crying really isn&#8217;t something that how shall I say, comes naturally for me.

	So, sorry everyone. Apparently &#8220;it&#8217;s&#8221; not going away.

	And when I continue to try to ignore this annoying fact about me, I end up becoming fat, lazy, apathetic, and locate myself on the couch night after night watching Everyone Loves Raymond with a large glass or 5 of red wine. It really is easier that way. Less painful and less work.

	But, I rarely do anything the EASY way. Or at least for long. THIS I can count on. Good to know THAT part of me still exists. I love making everything harder than it needs to be.

	And now that I am determined to duke it out with myself once and for all in my life, you as the reader of this blog, will have to bare witness to this imaginary struggle that exists inside my head. It&#8217;s now a showdown. And who knows? When they haul me away kicking and screaming to the quiet hospital, I may continue blogging about it from my little padded room. Surely they would allow the internet there. Typing might be hard with that special jacket, but I&#8217;m resourceful.

	

	Photo courtesy of koolbirks.com

	Since I quit my graphic artist&#8217;s office job two years ago to help maintain our home business of web page making and domestic normality, and to &#8220;find&#8221; myself, ironically, I started feeling more and more &#8220;lost&#8221; viewing my creativity as a curse and not something that should be cherished, something which instead often fills me with guilt and frustration. And so I chose many times to turn it off and ignore it. Grass needs to be cut, dishes need to be done, and bills need to get paid &#8211; you know &#8211; REAL world stuff. I even went and got a library assistant job to FINALLY make a decent NORMAL sane person&#8217;s living. Right as I was making real headway with my art too (the timing was not coincidental, btw&#8230; and an extension of my subconscious mind&#8217;s fear of happiness) But it didn&#8217;t pan out the way I had hoped. I was actually quite offended when most of my close friends laughed at me and chided, &#8220;But Carol, and please don&#8217;t be angry, but working at a LIBRARY is the LAST place I picture you&#8230;&#8221;

	But I was offended. So I&#8217;m this loud mouthed ridiculously goofball of a person that couldn&#8217;t be quiet enough or smart enough to work in some place as sophisticated as a library? (I thought in silence)

	But now I am starting to get it. And I dont think that is what they meant. Or they did, but they were right, I didn&#8217;t belong there.

	So since I can&#8217;t deny this annoying part of my personality that wants to perform and sing on a stage, along with the other extreme of being a total hermit and making visual art, last week, I sang with a different band here in Madison called The Gomers. 

	Now before anybody wigs out about my band adultery, let it be known that this is a thing called Gomeroke and I am among MANY who get to play rockstar for 3 minutes with a real band. Believe me, I keep fighting the loud shouty voice of: How did it come to this? Singing karaoke with a (albeit talented) cover band and a number clipped to my ass like the rodeo. 

	

	But it&#8217;s fun and provides my fix. Not to mention, having complete strangers come up to you after your number and telling you, &#8220;You rocked!&#8221; (and) &#8220;Had no idea all that would come out of a little girl like you!&#8221; helps too. I&#8217;m 36 and hardly a little girl, but my self esteem on all fronts thanks you. And believe me, the audience last week, was not kind to some that graced that stage, so I am taking what people said to me, about me, to heart. I do plan on doing it again. At the very least, it releases a lot of pent up energy for me and maybe along the way, getting better at my craft. I did miss my bandmates, though.

	Currently I&#8217;m cleaning my studio (which is a fancy word for what used to be a child&#8217;s bedroom in a 1950&#8217;s ranch style house) to get it ready to paint and remodel. Green. I love green. I bet my neighbors are so pleased to see this when my windows are open. No insanity here! Move along please.

	

	This is a process I have been involved in also for two years. But fear has held me down on the ground with a knife to my throat and I have basically avoided making any real advancements. Either to the structure itself or what is made IN it. Fear of what? Oh that is a very good question indeed. LOTS of things. Failure, success, stupidity, brilliance, naiveness, wasting of the time, the silliness of my goals, the list is endless, really.

	Here&#8217;s a box of my lyrics. And thus have labeled the box accordingly.

	

	

	Some have musical mates set to them and are living happily ever after on a recording somewhere, others are dying a horrible unsung death. And perhaps rightly so. Or not. Im on the fence what to do with this box that has been a lead balloon in my studio and a big pain in my ass for about 8 years now. How about a little multiple choice and audience participation about said box?

	Do I&#8230;

	A. Keep it
B. Burn it
C. Chuck it off a bridge
D. Bury it in my backyard with a big note on it that says &#8220;Confederate Money&#8221;

	Personally I like option &#8220;D&#8221; and find that quite humorous as an image of the next family that lives here unearths that find as they put in a new flower bed. 

	I&#8217;m torn. The last time I went through and chucked all my old artwork back in my mid 20&#8217;s, I made the mistake of doing it at my parents house (where it was all kept at the time) and various family members &#8220;rescued it&#8221; (unbeknownst to me) and now it is on their walls.

	Not.

	Really.

	What.

	I.

	Was.

	Going.

	For.

	I know they were only trying to help and I know it makes them happy and that really is the important thing, but when I look at it, I see old shite. They hate hearing that, so I don&#8217;t usually say anything. It is really hard to explain. Maybe its the urge of needing and wanting to do something better? Or looking at your sad attempts head&#45;on, amplifying the CURRENT doubting Thomas&#8217;s that like to hang out &#8220;upstairs&#8221; during the times you really ARE making headway. &#8220;See? You do suck. Check out THIS painting you did 300 years ago! Can&#8217;t deny THAT can you? Hey look Bridezillas is on&#8230;and you are getting sleepy&#8230;wine anyone?&#8221;

	Oh, I will probably keep the damn box and browse through it for curiosity sake, might be some nuggets in there for new creations and my side project I am working on, but I think it would be freeing if I just burned all of it in a fire. Along with some of my artwork when nobody is looking.

	Speaking of which, I was waiting for a painting to dry and decided to rewrite what I lost earlier today. Tah tah for now!]]></description>
      <dc:subject>Lyrics, Music, Painting, Singing</dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-13T01:01:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>WHAT the @#&amp;K !???</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/what_the/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/what_the/#When:19:26:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I just wrote for the past HOUR in this F&#8217;ing blog and it logged me out WHILE flipping me the bird as it erased all my words in a literal blink of an eye.

	Now if you will excuse me, I have a seriously insane tantrum to throw.

	While I do that, and try to collect myself to repost something remotely resembling the first one, please take a look at the car I would like to own someday. Plastic container and all.

	

	Photo compliments of amcpacer.com]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-12T19:26:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Waxing Nostalgia</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/waxing_nostalgia/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/waxing_nostalgia/#When:04:20:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[So on my internet travels this evening, I found this little gem that I totally forgot about. My band, Sweet Jelly, did a radio interview back in 2006 and I dug it up for your listening pleasure this evening. Or morning if this is that time for you.

	Sweet Jelly Radio Interview March 2006

	Official Radio Site

	I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.]]></description>
      <dc:subject>Music, Nostalgia, Singing</dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-11T04:20:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Just stop now.</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/no/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/no/#When:00:34:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[OK, please take a look at a bad idea for geese outfits. 

	Why in the h*ll would a goose dress up as a turkey?

	Especially in the fall. 

	Bad plan. 

	Might try that disguise in December when Bob Cratchet makes his rounds for his big family gathering Scrooge eventually shows up for. Stealthily hide in the butcher shop wearing those turkey duds, and you might miss them picking YOU for the Christmas dinner.

	And Scarecrow Goose, you aren&#8217;t scaring anyone. Or anything wearing THAT get up.

	Have fun in Oz and tell the tin man and lion I say hi!]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-09T00:34:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Duck, Duck, Goose!</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/duck_duck_goose/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/duck_duck_goose/#When:01:20:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[So I was flipping through one of those Miles Kimball catalogs that comes in the mail (and believe me there is a lot of material in there for slow Carol Kroll news days. READ: frequently) and came across this.

	

	Let&#8217;s not even get into the fact that there are poor children on the planet needing clothing. Let&#8217;s just accept that plastic geese need clothing. And let&#8217;s discuss these outfits because I am really needing some clarification.

	January sports a fine English caroler probably complete with figgy pudding and a mug of wassail.

	February is a hospital gown (psych ward) for the doldrums of winter? No wait, a Cupid&#8217;s outfit. Of course.

	March. Can anyone help me out with March? Like seriously&#8230;.

	April is of course an Easter goose bunny with Easter goose bunny cape. I love Easter goose bunny capes.

	May is a rain slicker because geese hate water.

	June is all about diplomas and learning all of life&#8217;s secrets and letdowns. His plastic goose parents will be proud.

	Scoot on over to July and you have a mystery. The blue hat watermelon cape club? Also not sure why July is the show piece.

	August is terrifying just plain and simple. If you can defend the drooping breasts of a plastic goose, I don&#8217;t care to meet you.

	September anyone? The best I have is a Sherwood Forest ensemble and didn&#8217;t realize that was a special September holiday.

	October starts coming back to us. But just note that the purple Merlin outfit might not find you the candy booty you are looking for say, had you gone as a pumpkin or witch.

	November and December all bring us back to normal if you find dressing a plastic goose &#8220;normal&#8221; that is.

	And for $50 this could all be yours. Or you could buy a tank of gas.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-08T01:20:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>You can do ANYTHING</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/you_can_do_anything/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/you_can_do_anything/#When:23:01:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I have been visiting zombocom a lot lately. It&#8217;s clear that I can do anything there. I highly recommend it. Especially when the voices inside your head are in direct contrast with what the voices on zombocom tell you. Pull that little diddy up and you&#8217;re all set.

	I bet you think I am being sarcastic. Or even funny and fictional. I&#8217;m not. I am quite serious, in fact.

	Another part of my process to finally become whatever it is in this lifetime I am supposed to become, is doing my regular tarot card readings. Then I journal about them in my book and draw pictures to solidify what it is my guides are trying to tell me to do. I prefer guides to angels and  I prefer spiritual journey, higher power to God™  yes in the trademarked sense &#8211; but you just use whatever visuals you need to. Don&#8217;t let me offend your belief system.

	

	Now, before anyone gets all regal and says this is devil&#8217;s work &#8211; it&#8217;s not. In fact QUITE the opposite. I have said it before that &#8220;the devil&#8221; has far more important work to get done than concern himself with tarot cards. Well, Vegas and &#8220;ITS&#8221; cards are a whole different story. Pure evil lives there (aside from the killer deliciously cheap buffets) I&#8217;m quite sure I met Senor Diablo there once or twice when I lived in Vegas for a bit. Felt the presence &#8220;of&#8221; behind the Sands when I saw folks buying drugs and other pleasures of the flesh IN BROAD DAYLIGHT as I drove by while doing errands as a runner for Paramount. 

	Overall, fun town (stay ON the strip) but could never consider LIVING there. Not to mention its in the desert and I wont even go into the environmental nightmare it poses.

	Anyway, back to my exploratory findings which are my life, this tarot card reading proved to be very positive and encouraging (before this they were not, yet they were definitely telling me to get my head out of my ass and nobody really likes to be told that, but if they are honest with themselves they will realize it, try to swallow it, and work on it) The main theme THIS TIME however, was to be fearless and success WILL come my way. And I mean EVERY card said that.

	Woot!

	So I am going to continue on my present path of crazy and do just that. But I also like Morgyn&#8217;s idea too.

	But, why does the movie A Beautiful Mind always surface when I am in the throws of creativity? I think we all know how THAT turned out.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-06T23:01:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Time for something new</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/time_for_something_new/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/time_for_something_new/#When:02:11:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[Well, I decided it was time to get the glasses I have always wanted. The vintagey &#8220;cat&#8217;s eye&#8221; glasses with little sparkles on the side. A goofy smile, but heh, I&#8217;ve never been too photogenic.

	

	Hey, and thank you all for the kind comments on my previous entry. I have been learning a lot lately about how when I start gaining momentum in my endeavors, that I self sabotage and cease to continue. Over and over and over again. It is a struggle, but this time I&#8217;m determined to work through it this unhelpful cycle and pattern in my life. 

	The previous entry dedicated to being &#8220;on a roll&#8221;  
This post is all about staying on the roll and not getting left behind in the wake of that roll.

	Ever gone tubing? Behind a speed boat? Every time the boat takes off you swear you are not going to let go, but somehow it happens and your in the middle of the lake hoping the boat notices and turns around to get you?

	I&#8217;m still on the tube, so no worries, I&#8217;m just worried about the sharp turn the boat that&#8217;s pulling me seems to want to make. Maybe it will maybe it wont, but I&#8217;m keeping my eye on it.

	On that note, I&#8217;m gonna take a night time nap.]]></description>
      <dc:subject>Who Am I?</dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2008-08-05T02:11:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    
    </channel>
</rss>