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    <channel>
    
    <title>CK Blog</title>
    <link>http://carolkroll.com/index.php/blog/</link>
    <description></description>
    <dc:language>en</dc:language>
    <dc:creator>carol@sweetjelly.com</dc:creator>
    <dc:rights>Copyright 2009</dc:rights>
    <dc:date>2009-07-02T04:38:00-06:00</dc:date>
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    <item>
      <title>My Grandfather</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/my_grandfather/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/my_grandfather/#When:04:38:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[This week my grandfather passed away. My father&#8217;s father. He was 97 years old and born on Christmas day in 1912. The same year the Titanic sank, Arizona became the 48th state and Woodrow Wilson was elected president.

	He had been in a nursing home for about five years. Nursing homes are miserable, but his was very nice. As nice as nursing homes go that is. But we all will end up there. ALL of us. Often alone and wishing someone will visit. No matter if you have 20 kids or none. We come into this world alone and we die alone. It&#8217;s hard not to think about that when you are there or standing inside a funeral home listening to your grandfather&#8217;s life story being told by a complete stranger who didn&#8217;t know him at all and wondering how this day got here so quickly, even though its been 97 years and you yourself had only been a part of that 97&#8212;&#45;37 years of it.

	
1972ish. That&#8217;s me in the middle, and my Dad&#8217;s father keeping watch perched on the organ he loved to play.

	I spent a lot of time with both sets of my grandparents from the time I was born until the time they all passed away and I loved them each dearly. We lived close to each set and now I am really glad and thankful we did. A lot of my friends weren&#8217;t as lucky as my sister and I were in that respect, but that isn&#8217;t something you fully realize until you&#8217;re older and they are gone.

	
Yep, that&#8217;s me in my Dorothy Hamill haircut entering into the ugly awkward Jr High age. My cutie&#45;patootie sister Cindy, is on the right.

	My mom&#8217;s parents were a good 10&#45;15 years younger than my father&#8217;s parents. My maternal grandmother (who I was extremely close to) was of French Canadian descent (born in Ontario) and my maternal grandfather was mainly English (Irish sprinkled in). They represented (more or less) the reserved side, although involved my sister and I in countless number of activities frequently and often like skiing, ice&#45;skating, sledding, movie&#45;going, hiking, bowling you name it, we were constantly on the go. Right up until the end in fact. They never cried victim or let on that they were &#8220;getting old&#8221;. I greatly admired that and plan to follow suit.

	
My mom&#8217;s parents and I in 1976. My grandfather was a man who liked to laugh, make silly faces and have fun. Can you tell??

	
A good &#8216;ole 1980 sing along with my Mom and Grandmother. I was the official page turner for my Mom when she would play. She wouldn&#8217;t tell me when either because she wanted to make sure I was paying attention to the notes. I liked that job.

	My paternal grandparents represented the Old World European side of my make up. My grandmother&#8217;s parents emigrated from Czechoslovakia. My grandfather&#8217;s parents emigrated from Prussia (Germany).

	My father&#8217;s parents were all about natural/organic/whole foods WELL before it was the fashionable or &#8220;in&#8221; thing to do. Both my grandmother and grandfather were the original &#8220;foodies&#8221;. They loved making food, talking about how to make food and of course delighted in the eating of the food. They both were part of The Great Depression and had a deeper appreciation for all that was/is available to us presently. Much more than we might. My grandmother told us a story once about how one Christmas all her brother&#8217;s and sisters each got an orange for their holiday present. That was it. She tried to convey to my sister and I how incredibly special and rare that really was (early 1920&#8217;s I believe). Not in a guilt ridden way either. Just matter of fact. I always remembered that story and am glad she told us. Truth be told, I do think of it often when I peel an orange.

	My grandfather made his own bread, sausage, yogurt, horseradish, pickles and sauerkraut. In fact, I made the kraut with my grandparents a good 15 years ago using the original wooden cabbage shredder my great grandfather brought over from Prussia and was in the family well before that. I also was part of the canning process too after it had fermented for weeks in their basement. I am really happy now I got to be a part of that. And I miss the family recipe when I slum it and buy Frank&#8217;s Kraut. 

	Although admittedly, all the meat loving tendencies I have come from my father&#8217;s side of the family, I did not inherit my grandfather&#8217;s love for head cheese. 

	Cannibal sandwiches and liver sausage, yes, but head cheese I just stare at (in awe?). This item was one if his favorites. Although I would give it another go in present day before I completely dismiss it.

	My grandfather also liked (as he called it) to &#8220;go bummin&#8217; around&#8221;. He took my sister and I, along with my grandmother, all over. To North Beach in Racine for a swim, ice&#45;skating at the Racine Zoo pond, up to the Wisconsin Dells, and into the boonies of Hartford, WI to show us how cheese was made, and next door to Hustisford, WI to show us how real hot dogs and sausages were made. These buildings were ancient at the time we visited them ( in the late 70&#8217;s early 80&#8217;s) as they went about making their products the old school way. But even then, I knew I was being shown something very special that wasn&#8217;t going to be around for very much longer. And it wasn&#8217;t, shortly after that.

	
My father, myself and my grandfather at Circus World Museum. My father&#8217;s favorite place. No it&#8217;s not. It&#8217;s quite the opposite I found out recently, but he put on a good show for the photo!

	
I know he skated well into his 80&#8217;s. He too never let on that he was &#8220;getting old&#8221;.

	
My Dad&#8217;s parents and I. This I &#8220;believe&#8221; was for my sister&#8217;s baptism. No wait, my first communion. I secretly wished for long hair. True story.

	Through his stories my grandfather would share about his youth, about HIS parents, his memories of simpler times, how to appreciate good food made the old world way &#8211; I myself developed a great appreciation for all these things along with him as a person. I often wished (and still do) I had a time machine to visit them (and my parents) when they were younger. To see and feel their memories as they did. Didn&#8217;t seem fair then that I couldn&#8217;t &#8211; doesn&#8217;t seem fair now that all four of them are gone.

	Gone but certainly never forgotten.

	
My Dad&#8217;s father on the left and my Mom&#8217;s Dad on the right in 1972ish. I&#8217;m in the middle and no my grandfather wasn&#8217;t mad. He liked to goof around. And here he is making light of the fact I am about to ruin his glasses.

	Two winters ago, in the dead of January, when I was heading out down to Milwaukee for band practice, I drove past a church where they were digging a grave in the frozen ground amidst three feet of snow. The dirt was somehow excavated (a perfect rectangle carved out of the frozen tundra) and then oddly enough, green astroturf was thrown over the rest of the mess to &#8220;conceal&#8221; what was really going on. Though I used May instead of January and made it about a walk and not a drive, I had to write about it because the whole scene and idea seemed absurd to me.

	Here is the audio of that tune if you are interested.

	Today I thought of this when I stood with family members to hear the pastor&#8217;s last words about a man he never knew and saw the green astroturf covering the large hole my grandfather&#8217;s baby&#45;blue casket would be lowered into after we were gone. What a crazy charade, I thought. So instead of becoming sinister and depressed, I concentrated on the possibility that he truly is in a much better place now and realized I will never be able to express in words, art or song about how grateful I am about  the time I got to spend with him or my other three grandparents. I wish all four of them love and light in their new journeys either in this world again or in another. 

	I miss all four of you greatly and think of you quite often. I&#8217;m sorry I never got to say a proper thank you. Hopefully you know already though.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-07-02T04:38:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Simplicity</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/simplicity/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/simplicity/#When:01:32:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I&#8217;ve been into reading lately. On my front porch no less. In the shade after the sun goes behind the house. After my real world work is done. I was running into some creative roadblocks on the music and art front and just needed a break that didn&#8217;t involve those things&#8212;&#45;along with the internet or TV. 

	In fact, when TV is watched now, it&#8217;s only through hulu or Netflix, which has been very nice. Summer is good for such experiments like this. We only get a short amount of summer around here and even though I have a tough time with the hot weather, I still want to savor it while it&#8217;s here. The sunshine is something not to be taken for granted.

	Reading has always been very therapeutic and comforting to me. It really forces me to exist in the present moment (and not worry about stupid crap like I tend to do)

	I am a big Farley Mowat fan so currently I&#8217;m engrossed in No Man&#8217;s River. 

	

	I like to read his tales outside.  It adds to the feeling of what is going on inside the book, since he wrote a lot about the Inuit people and their lives in the wilderness and I am fascinated by how they lived. He&#8217;s written many books, but I am trying to not read all at once. This title is proving very good though.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-06-27T01:32:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>A Capitola Review</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/a_capitola_review/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/a_capitola_review/#When:01:48:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[Today took a beautiful sunny roadtrip out to Platteville WI for a Capitola Review reading/performance. The drive out there was AMAZING. Big skies, big hills, LOTS of green meeting blue &#38; white puffy clouds with sprinkles of red barns here and there. The Driftless Area of WI is just rich. Don&#8217;t let anyone tell you different. I know everyone has their connotations about WI, but along with true, they are often not. WI is diverse and beautiful.

	No, I didn&#8217;t perform today, I was just there to watch and soak it all up. Help when needed.  I&#8217;ll have my turn to be a part of all this in the fall, and honestly cannot wait.

	Today&#8217;s reading was housed inside an awesome natural food shop mercantile with the kindest people around. Good crowd. I took pictures with my phone. 

	Local business at its finest. I have no idea how old this building is, but they have done an amazing job. If you are in the area PLEASE visit The Driftless Market.

	

	While waiting for the show to start, I took a little tour of the store (of course, because I love grocery stores in and of themselves)

	Emu meat?! No I didn&#8217;t purchase any, but I wanted to. Yum.

	

	What can I say? This is Wisconsin at its finest. CHEESE. LOCAL CHEESE. I was in heaven.

	

	This isn&#8217;t just the scene in this venue, this is the scene in a lot of area stores/venues. So cool to see. So cool to hear that currently these places need to restock frequently. 

	

	And this is what it is all about folks. Artists, writers, musicians all in one space sharing their craft. A salon of sorts? Such a wonderful thing to experience and witness. Here are some photos.

	

	

	

	

	Had I thought ahead, I would have snapped a shot of the cashier&#8217;s desk constructed out of an old door, but hopefully you can see a little bit of the genius&#45;ness of it all from this pix. See the doorknob in the left&#45;hand corner? In all its Alice &#38; Wonderland style? Incredible.

	

	This pix is of a STUFFED OLD COUPLE on the drive home in a grocery store in Spring Green. Don&#8217;t you have a stuffed Senior Citizen section at YOUR local grocery store?

	

	I was impressed with the vast array of vintage milk bottles atop the cooler section in this grocery store too. This pix doesn&#8217;t do it justice, but it was priceless. The white appearance of the milk were white beads? I will believe that is what it was. Have NO idea what they are made of &#8211; though I wonder (?)]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-06-21T01:48:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>June is the new March</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/june_is_the_new_march/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/june_is_the_new_march/#When:18:52:01Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[Since June has proven to be almost as cold, gloomy, and disappointing as March was around here, I have been making things in my studio. Cloudy days are great for that sort of thing. Sunny beautiful days prove distracting (creatively). So I am not complaining about the rain and gray as it&#8217;s been very useful.

	Making visual art has been taking precedence, over recording some of the new tunes I have been working on since May, but I&#8217;m going to carve out some time for those ditties soon&#8230;

So as a result, currently my workspace looks like this again.


	

	As I have talked about before on here, I was privileged to have been asked to be in the fall &#8217;09 issue of the Capitola. They are currently being sold in Dane county bookstores and coffee shops around the area, so if you see them on display, please pick one up. A ton of great area artists and writers have been included in each issue, and you won&#8217;t be disappointed.

	I have included the current issue&#8217;s front and back covers here, along with last fall&#8217;s premiere issue, as I think they are just a beautiful work of art and design in and of themselves. Please enjoy.

	(Current spring 2009 issue cover)


	(back cover)


	(Fall 2008 premiere issue cover)


	(back cover)]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-06-17T18:52:01-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Bold as brass</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/bold_as_brass/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/bold_as_brass/#When:22:33:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I was completely struck by the audacity of some people today while doing my outside chores (aka cutting the grass and trying to contain the overgrowth we will call the yard) 

	First off, though newish and just fine by itself, the lawnmower can sometimes not start and be sort of ahhhhh well, I call it a lot of choice words that I will refrain from using here. Sailor talk.

	But after starting and stopping the thing multiple times, making my trips to compost my grass clippings, a fancy couple in a fancy car drive right up to me while I am cutting the grass to ask me directions. Normally I am just fine with this. However, the lady in the car gave me the old look up and down. That pissed me off. And here&#8217;s why&#8230;. 

No, you stopped in my world to ask me an unsolicited question. I was minding my own business cutting the grass here as it&#8217;s about to rain for the next 10 days. Plus this thing is hard to start but had to shut it off JUST for you. And yes, I look/smell horrible! Its about 85 degrees and I&#8217;m cutting the lawn! I don&#8217;t dress for prom to do that. Perhaps you do, but I dont. Not to mention, I wasn&#8217;t expecting your arrival today, gracing me with your presence. Next time I&#8217;ll shower and not wear my Shedd Aquarium TShirt from Jr High.

	(anyway)

	So when I couldn&#8217;t provide them proper directions in a timely fashion for where they were going (because I had no idea what they were talking about) the guy says abruptly &#8220;Oh whatever. Bye.&#8221; and then turns the car around and speeds away.

	Um.

	?

	As you can see I have not let this go. I need to. But this falls under the category of WTF. I never would ask a complete stranger CUTTING THEIR GRASS for directions. I would go to a place like a gas station, or bring a map (or google?) before I set out on my journey. Furthermore, if said people I sprung a question like that on were unable to produce results for me, I certainly wouldn&#8217;t be a jerkoff. Or maybe I am missing something entirely here. I&#8217;m not The Google. Sorry. 

	In other, more important news, I had a really nice time working on music with my gal pal last night. Here is an example of my loot I lug over there. 

	

	We accomplished a lot for one little evening. Her voice is lower than mine, so the harmonies we are working out are sounding really nice.  I&#8217;m looking forward to see what next time will bring. Maybe we&#8217;ll get brave and record some of these ditties to post.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-06-12T22:33:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>You just never know&#8230;</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/you_just_never_know/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/you_just_never_know/#When:05:48:01Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[&#8230;what&#8217;s around the corner.

	A little while ago, a dear &#38; close friend of mine and I started working together musically. We had a productive Thursday night and pulled out all the gear as you will see from the photos below. I took these pics with my phone, so they are not the best quality, but you&#8217;ll get the idea. We went through a few covers and even tinkered on a new tune together briefly which is always exciting, new, and fun. We&#8217;ll see where it leads.

	Right now we are calling ourselves&#8230;

	How Sweet Is My Valley

	&#8230;and no, I am not making that up and may very well in fact mean what you think it means. Or not. You decide&#8230;.

I&#8217;ll readily admit that we spent a good deal laughing while we made the musix&#8217;s&#8216;s&#8217;s which touches the heart always. A personal highlight from the evening was this, and I am still laughing as I type it&#8230;

	&#8220;You would think that at Walgreens they would have f__ ing kazoos, wouldn&#8217;t you?&#8221;

	To which I agreed and pointed out they should be next to the bubbles.

	Right?

	Anyway, I&#8217;m looking forward to where this takes us as it is still very much in its infancy. We may expand in members, or just stay the way we are. Your typical chick band. We may play out sometime soon, or just reside inside this green room for the remainder of the month or the next 60 years. Doesn&#8217;t matter. What matters is that it was fun as hell.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-06-05T05:48:01-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Some personal thoughts</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/some_personal_thoughts/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/some_personal_thoughts/#When:14:47:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[Something that has me down a little lately, is that in this lifetime, my choices for not wanting children are complicated and my own. But that doesn&#8217;t mean I don&#8217;t empathize with others when they tell me they are either planning to have kids, are in the process of, or have children already. &#8220;We forgot. You hate children&#8221; or &#8220;I wasn&#8217;t going to tell you because you don&#8217;t like kids&#8221; has been offered up a lot to me in the past year or so by a number of people, and I have to admit it&#8217;s really hurtful, and moreover, not true. I like children, especially that mid&#45;range between infancy and teen. That is an innocent age I secretly wish I personally could get back. And I can appreciate people wanting to be a parent. Hands down, a very difficult job. I just don&#8217;t have that calling&#8230;.

Stating I am childfree is dicey because some of the views or commentaries of the beholders can be extreme, mean spirited and exclusionary. And I don&#8217;t want to represent that either. It is a personal decision for everyone whether they want to or not. So a lot of times I feel a little alone, odd and isolated in my decision of where I stand on the whole matter. Souls ask to come into this world, this I truly believe, but it&#8217;s easy to get the wrong idea when someone states they don&#8217;t have the calling to be a parent. 

	Having PCOS makes it a bit more tricky because it is generally looked at solely as a fertility problem. But generally (in my experience) once you answer &#8220;no&#8221; to the question, &#8220;Are you trying to start a family?&#8221; &#8212;&#45; your doctors don&#8217;t care to treat you. &#8220;Well, you don&#8217;t want to get pregnant so we&#8217;ll just give you some birth control pills.&#8221; But honestly, there is so much more to it than that. I have spent the past 12 years finally getting the medicines I need to drop the weight (and the shame) that comes with having PCOS along with feeling the best I have ever felt. All because I found two doctors that realized the longterm effects of this disorder on me as a person, and not just failing as a vessel. 

	I guess I could be private about all this, but I know others have shared their struggles with these matters on the internet and it has helped me greatly to read their accounts when I have felt horrible inside about myself. There is a lot of shame, secrecy and assumption that comes with having this disorder and choosing not to be a parent. You definitely can feel less the woman and like you just don&#8217;t matter in society at all. But just knowing that there are others out there with the same struggles makes you feel not so alone.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-06-03T14:47:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Night Light Sweet Jelly</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/night_light_sweet_jelly/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/night_light_sweet_jelly/#When:16:12:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[This past week the members of Sweet Jelly all got together and decided to peacefully &#8220;retire&#8221; the band after 9 years of musical service. It was a joint decision and we have agreed to all pursue other musical projects. Wednesday night, we spent a good deal of time reminiscing about &#8220;the good ole days&#8221; which included highlights from the best and worst gigs we have ever done like: 

	&#8220;&#8230;remember that one time when the guy showed up for that Halloween show we did at McAuliffe&#8217;s with no pants or underware on and he had a life sized stuffed sheep attached to the front of his body; its legs stuffed inside his rubber boots&#8230;?&#8221;

	Oddly enough, everyone remembers that crystal clear.

	I personally can&#8217;t stand it when bands &#8220;break up&#8221;. Especially your favorite ones, let alone one you co&#45;founded. Even before being in one, the news of a band break up always disturbed and depressed the living shit out of me. This was no exception. But it really was time, and time for us all to move on. I am glad we all agreed to refer to this as &#8220;retiring&#8221;. I will miss practicing, gigging live, and writing music with them greatly, but I wish us all well on our new paths. As Aaron said, we have a lot to be proud of and none of us should walk away feeling like we have failed. I personally am very grateful for the time spent with great friends making over 70 original songs together and laughing a lot. Those are precious things.

	I included our picture from 2005&#8217;s Summerfest (which was so awesome to be a part of I really cannot describe it to you) and that is something we need to be VERY proud of as it is nearly impossible for bands/musical folks to get into this festival.

	

	Visitors here, know I have been working on my own music for a bit now, and I would personally like to thank all of those who have written here or in email or  have said to me in person, how much they like my new music. It really means a lot, and adds reassurance to my sometimes self doubt into this new frontier for me. I also have other musical projects in the works that I don&#8217;t want to quite let out of the bag yet, and I may try my hand at forming another band. 

	Though I&#8217;m currently accepting applications, I&#8217;m leery of it turning into the door tryouts scene from The Commitments.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-05-23T16:12:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Songwriting Stills and Nash</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/songwriting_stills_and_nash/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/songwriting_stills_and_nash/#When:18:00:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I made a fine discovery in my little town this morning on my bike ride. We now have a  Music Conservancy Hall! It is in an old church from the 1800&#8217;s and when I first moved here, this poor old church was abandoned and in incredible disrepair. Now look at it! Mazomanie&#8217;s Music Conservancy Hall!

	



	(Think of the acoustics in there! Every singer&#8217;s all about me moments amplified beyond imagination. I&#8217;m kidding, Well, not really.)

	So to continue the ridiculousness of showing you my musical progress through &#8220;visuals&#8221;, here is what I was talking about in my last post as far as my rewrites go as I lay down scratch vocals to these newest of the new. 

	

	Right now as I type and look at these images I am fighting the incredible urge to retype them in readying them for when I do my &#8220;real&#8221; vocals. It is very OCD, I realize, and scribbling out words is one of mine. Nails on a chalkboard to me.

	

	Yesterday I laid down scratch vocals to these newbies entitled &#8220;Your Loss&#8221; and &#8220;Meant To&#8221;. What&#8217;s funny is that there was an army of lawnmowers, a roofer gun next door, and multiple school buses dropping off their cargo while I was trying to sing into a microphone that will pick up anything. Guess I&#8217;ll wait till the cover of darkness to record anything I may consider &#8220;final&#8221;.

	

	

	PS: Yes, I am STILL working on my animation in&#45;between other duties, creative and otherwise. It really is exciting and frustrating all at the same time when you want to cover a lot of ground all at once. But Im determined. As ADD as I may appear, I am determined.

	In absence of the animation, enjoy some images of my front yard tulips. They put on quite a show this year! The deep dark purple almost black ones are my most favorite of the tulip world and are appropriately named &#8220;Queen of Night&#8221;.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-05-15T18:00:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    <item>
      <title>Songwriting stills?</title>
      <link>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/songwriting_stills/</link>
      <guid>http://carolkroll.com/blog/entry/songwriting_stills/#When:02:01:00Z</guid>
      <description><![CDATA[I know this is even sillier than showing everyone stills of my animation, but I finally got the three tunes I have been noodling around with in my notebook out into the final draft stage and onto the music stand. 

	

	I always like the nice clean printed pc&#8217;s of paper with the clean text before my marker gets a hold of it because as I am singing these words, I usually end up wondering what I was smoking for some lines, and need to rewrite during a slight tantrum. It needs to be perfect you know. Well that&#8217;s the part nobody sees I guess. It happens though. Not some of my finer moments, but it happens.

	More to come.]]></description>
      <dc:subject></dc:subject>
      <dc:date>2009-05-12T02:01:00-06:00</dc:date>
    </item>

    
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