Spring continues to be chaotic and raw for me so let's talk watercolor today because it's quiet. Revisiting old work is challenging. In one way you see all the mistakes you made; how you'd do it differently because you're so great now, and also at that same moment, you're intimidated by your own work that you made back then figuring you couldn't possibly come close to that TODAY with all this time passing so why even bother to continue. That's a pretty messed up state to be in. That's one, of a couple things, I've been working on over here.

The three pieces I've put up today were all done at different times. The tiger barb was done in 2019 and that is the one I'm having the most trouble living with. It's the first time I've actually "colored in the background" and didn't have white space around my subject matter. Currently I'm on the fence if I attempt more "colored in backgrounds" (or not) with future pieces. I also think this piece got a little too muddy and oversaturated for my taste. I used a new watercolor paper for the tiger barb that I'm still not sure I'm going to use for my straight up watercolor pieces. It definitely reacts differently as the paint and water dries compared to the other paper I've been using for decades.

These pieces today are ACEO's (art trading cards) and have to be a specific size to be considered that. But when cutting the finished piece to fit that criteria, it drives me crazy that the piece totally changes into something else and I have to resist the urge to throw it away. Or burn it outside. I know I should draw smaller and make it fit inside, but that 's not how my drawing tends to be. These three pieces were not casualties of the 2018 Flood and exist in the physical world inside a waterproof container for future consideration. Enjoy, and thank you for stopping by. Please keep well during this stormy season.

Today’s Carolaoke track was quite a ride on the magic nostalgia carpet ride. I’ve expressed before that I’ve had a great fondness for Canada and its people for many and various reasons so today we will visit Songstress Sarah McLachlan. The person who introduced me to her music was Mr. Lance Dobersek of Sweet Jelly. In 1997, we were working at Karen Johnson Productions Animation Studio in Racine, WI. We were assigned to make animations and games for this brand new thing called “The Internet”. The word, the concept, the logistics, ALL completely foreign in my world. The closest I had come to a computer prior to that was breaking down sound files in Adobe Premiere and chart it all (on paper) for the animators to use. The phone hanging on my parent’s wall was about as high tech as I was at the time. I personally did everything on film and paper.

I’m not exactly sure why Lance and I were were “chosen” for this new uncharted territory in 1997, but we were, and it was a super crazy time in retrospect and even crazier thinking about all of that in modern present times. So, we’d work these long assed hours sitting in front of that screen. I was making animations and Lance was making it all happen on this here “internet”. Since we worked a million hours together, there’s a lot of time to pass while you’re working and staring at a screen for days and weeks on end, so we started sharing new music to pass some of the time. I told him about my weird fascination with Canadian musicians and the next day he brought in Sarah McLachlan’s CD in for me to listen to and the rest is history.

Please enjoy my scratch track karaoke version of Sarah McLachlan’s “Sweet Surrender”.

As I said on Wednesday, spring this year is a little raw for me right now so I had to completely detach, unplug, and escape into the quiet world of color. And listen to music with no words again. And light some candles. And maybe all the blinds were shut all day.

These are new backgrounds for The Bird People Tarot Deck and it was therapeutic beyond words to get my watercolors and dyes out again and do some color experiments. I haven’t been in the low-key watercolor world for quite a while and I need to be in a totally different state of mind than when I work on The Museum Series. Since I knew I wasn’t in fighting form to start “real” watercolor paintings just yet, I thought this way by being more abstract, I’m at least sweeping out the cobwebs by putting a brush to paper and doing it not just thinking about it. Progress not perfection.

Whoooooooo boy, spring is currently kicking my ass mentally and emotionally. It’s a hard thing to try to explain that early spring is incredibly dicey for me especially while everyone else in the sane world is ecstatic about its arrival. The best way I can describe it is that everything suddenly gets VERY LOUD which also includes the GLARING SUNLIGHT and it's somewhat painful. Migraines revisit again due to the barometric pressure, mania revisits which sounds productive, but isn’t - it feels like I have seasonal depression in reverse and I’ve noticed it gets a little more difficult each year as I get older. At least I now know this is what happens every March-April and can try to thwart it with better coping mechanisms than I have in the past, but those new coping mechanisms are really being tested this week. Really. Being. Tested. I’ve needed to lay low and have things dark and silent right now for however long this lasts for me this season.

Today’s studio closeup is a past work that unfortunately perished in the 2018 flood. Speaking of which, the flood PTSD has crept back in again and I know that’s not helping my general uneasiness lately. Spring equals rain so I’m sure you can imagine anxiety is pretty high. So instead of being angry with myself about all this, I’m trying a different approach this year and working on being kind and patient with myself. A good question to ask yourself is, “Would you talk to a friend the same way your internal dialogue is rolling along?” Yeah. Ouch.

Please enjoy this work from the past! Stay safe and please keep well.

Title: Contest
Year: 2001
Media: Acrylic and Collage on Canvas Board
Total Dimension: 6.5” x 8.5”

Music Monday's Carolaoke Song #29 is my scratch track version of Brenda Lee's "All Alone Am I". I used to hear this tune being played at the restaurant I worked in and I'd often go into the walk-in freezer to belt it out because I couldn't contain myself properly on the floor. Although, the thought had crossed my mind to deliver customer's food while singing this, but I played it out in my head and realized that's just weird and super creepy and would I like that? NOPE. A walk-in freezer is a great venue just in case anyone was wondering out there. Very private, perfect temperature especially in July. Please enjoy!